Its been a long ass time since I wrote one of these but yea a lot has happen to where now I just need to vent about everything… So this week I swear has to be the worst week of my shitty life… I mean hey wrk is going great for once I’m getting recognized for my job n shit but still its nt enough… So this week starts out with me running into my ex katie.. that right there is a bad sign…so party with her n her friend wasent that bad. Untill later I got drunk with katie n yea… that was nt good at all. I hate myself sooo much for hooking up with her… god its soo wrong in so many levels. Inculding the fact I was kissing her friend there too ugh its not right… god i dnt even know why I smoked weed again….. fml… that night was just horrible… to follow it up I lost someone very close to me too this week….

I miss u alicia I really do. N I thought it wasent gonna hit me this hard I really did considering all that has happen but its harder thn before. U kno I never can stop loving u I kno that now n I am truely sry for causin u pain through words. Id give anything tho just to hold u in my arms again just for a secound. This whole nt friends thing is killing me. I serioulsy feel so alone so lost with out u there. U will always be my beautiful snowlepord n I hope one day our paths will cross again because the connection we have is soo different thn anything I have had with others. I truely believe that u r my one n only.

So follow that up I ran into another ex….. well more like a fling from a long drunken night… god I was stupid…she was ugh n yea a lil crazy in the head thankfully she just bitched me out n left it at that but still….

Finally I ran into n old flame inwhich yea I felt stupid around her n awkward cause of how we left things. still she’s a good friend but it did hurt to see tht a feeling came up for her n thn gone in an instant because just through that short lil talk there was no connection. N to top it alll of I think I made a micro fraction in my leg yesturday at the gym cause I was pushing myself too hard n ended up nt being able to walk without feeling pain in my leg… that’s the last thing I need to happen… the gym with running helps me escape my emotions n thoughts but nope nt anymore just causes me more pain…. thankyou life for yet again fking me over…. Is it so hard to be happy? Because others make it seem easy n I can’t seem to do it…….. I just…..I just kno that right now I’m scared n lost… I feel alone but know that I am nt… same time I feel like I should attempt to pic up the mask that people want me to wear n move along in life hiding from who I am. I gues that’s all for tonight. Ty for hearing me out tumblr

1 month ago  /  0 notes

So its funny how I can always help others through their problems but I can never seem to sovle my own… I need some long over due help. Need some hope to be brought backinto my life… I’m…I’m just so lost right now… n I feel so alone n empty… I need something to get me out of this hole… just 1 bit of light to break through my dark room that would bring me hope. but I should kno better thn that… its not gonna happen… people always say the best way to help urself is to look aturself in the mirror n tell urself what u see. I can tell u what I see… I see emptyness…failure…pain…saddness… lonesome… confusion..depression… and to someit all up nothing. I see nothing… isn’t that great I see nthn therefor I am nothning right??? That’s all I ak a waste of space… I was asked once what would it take to make me happy… I really dnt kno… what would make me happy?? Cause I dnt know I really dnt n it kills me not to kno.. :,((((!!!

3 months ago  /  0 notes

So its funny how I can always help others through their problems but I can never seem to sovle my own… I need some long over due help. Need some hope to be brought backinto my life… I’m…I’m just so lost right now… n I feel so alone n empty… I need something to get me out of this hole… just 1 bit of light to break through my dark room that would bring me hope. but I should kno better thn that… its not gonna happen… people always say the best way to help urself is to look aturself in the mirror n tell urself what u see. I can tell u what I see… I see emptyness…failure…pain…saddness… lonesome… confusion..depression… and to someit all up nothing. I see nothing… isn’t that great I see nthn therefor I am nothning right??? That’s all I ak a waste of space… I was asked once what would it take to make me happy… I really dnt kno… what would make me happy?? Cause I dnt know I really dnt n it kills me not to kno.. :,((((!!!

3 months ago  /  0 notes

ugh…

god too much shit for one day… fking hellish day for me n just so much shit going on idk anymore…. can find my god dam headphones so i can listen to my music right now whn i really need it…. fml…… its gonna be one of those nights.. so much on my mind…..  i really wanna just shatter  in to a millon pieces right now..

3 months ago  /  0 notes

it never amazes me how much i love u and need u with me. sucks that things yet again turned out like this. it is as if the universe doesnt want us to be…. but i say fk the universe. fk fate. fk destiny n all that shit idc i really dnt. the only thing i care about is u. u fill the void inside me. u make me feel like everything in life gets better. u r the one for me n i will love u with all my heart n soul till the end. 1 day. yes 1day we will be able to find a way to make things work. 

3 months ago  /  0 notes